Hello I feel so stupid....

maybe she needs to go out and work to have adult company?

Cancelling - thank her for cancelling, buy her some flowers and say you'll babysit if she wants to go out tonight

Book a babysitter for tomorrow night and take her out 9suggest it to her first, though)

I think her reading your posts would probably show her how much this is affecting you

dd

When I was bathing the children last night the little one had a rash on her front, which I called down to ask the wife if she had seen it. She had and said she had done the glass test for meningitis and considered it nothing to worry about as she had a split nappy earlier in the after noon and thought it might have been that which caused the rash. She came up and we discussed her and had a laugh and a giggle with the little one and a laugh and a giggle when the little one alternated her kisses and hugs between us.

We carried on talking after the children were in bed and discussed lots of things, she said that when I had put the eldest two to bed and read them a story with funny voices and had a giggle with them it was nice to hear and that was one thing which she liked to see me do but I haven’t done for a long time.

I was quite shocked when she said “You are coming tomorrow with us to the coast aren’t you?”, I of course said I would like to.

At the moment we seem to be taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, that is me being positive.

Thanks for listening. I hope everyone has a pleasant weekend what ever you do and who ever you spend it with.

Pleomax

Hi pleomax,

Two things struck me as I read your posts.

1 Your being judgemental. Everyone is judgemental, but with varying degrees of bias and tolerance. People change, over time you and your wife have changed and will continue to change. Only by constant and good communication can you ensure that you both change and develop in the same mutually supportive direction.

2 You want to repair the marriage. A relationship is a functionship of the partcipants. I suggest you consider the possibility that you need to repair yourself first. You know you are not proud of a few aspects of yourself, think hard about whether you can do anything about it. If you think you need counselling to help you achieve this, then do it.

'Give and take' is a huge part of a relationship and true giving of oneself is a reflection of the love and respect one person feels for the other.

Remember what you felt for your wife when you married?

I sincerely wish you both and your children a pleasant break.

YA

YA, thank you for your post yes i think i need help. I have been told many time over the last few days by different people that i am not a people person. I am not very easy to get on with and i am very black and white, most of the time.

I do tend to take the moral high ground and judge people more than listen to them and be a friendly ear.

I have a lot of issue which need sorting, professionla help is needed, but who? Marriage councillor or shrink?

Hi pleomax,

A marriage counsellor would be a help with a relationship. When looking at ourselves we need a psychologist to help us identify whatever issues we may have without getting sidetracked and, most importantly, help us deal with them constructively.

Self-reproach can be destructive if taken to the extreme. Your GP could possibly give you a referral although I suspect that NHS waiting times would be quite long. Even so, it seems like a good place to start.

I wish you the will, patience and calm you'll be needing and not to forget that during the time in dealing with yourself, you will still have responsibilities to your wife and children, whatever the state of the marriage.

YA

Hi,
Sounds to me like she wants you to be there for the weekend break. If she has said that, then that's a good thing.

She talks of getting a job, and mentioned an affair that her friend had. It's like she is trying to break free of something, and I wouldn't think it was actually you she is trying to break free from, but her stagnant life. Being at home all day with kids and not talking with grown ups is hard going. Everyone needs a release.
I have done the same thing, sadly I sought friendship with another man as that form of release, that doesnt mean your wife will, but she sounds sad & lonely. I never felt loved by my Husband, and just wish things had been better beforehand.
This has been a wake up call for you both, act on it, and show her the love she is wanting before it's too late. She will respond to you. Women need to feel cherished, if they dont feel it, they begin to feel worthless.
You have been brilliant, keep up the good work, and have a lovely weekend, I'm sure you will.

Just a quick post wishing you luck pleo, I hope things can start to work out