Hello I feel so stupid....

Flowers will help but don't rely on them alone, words are good, actions are better. Most marriages fail because of lack of communication in the first instance and things go wrong from there. When you have young kids communication does suffer and most likely has in your case, try to get it back, but take it slowly don't just steam in saying 'we need to talk'. Take the trouble to ask her about her day, show interest, tell her about yours - but don't bore her. Give her hug if it seems right.

All the best

S

pleomax wrote:

one of the things she said last night was that I had been very judgemental towards her friend who had had a brief affair, and she felt that if she had done that I would have judge her the same.

*Ringggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*

Sorry buddy, I don't like the sound of this part of your post one bit!

Part of me is dreading the moment of walking through the door tonight.
I just know my two eldest girls running up to me with screams of Daddy Daddy it is going to be hard to keep my composure.
Once i have some time with them bathing etc bed time story, then it will be time to sit and talk again.
I just dont know if pouring my heart and soul out is the right thing to do, I dont want to seem like i am begging but also dont want to give her the impression i dont care about what we had and could have.

It is just me venting, the hour and a half drive home will be difficult.

Thank you all for your posts good or bad it is just someone else to share my feelings with.

God bless you all.

Pleomax

Sun 13 wrote:

pleomax wrote:

one of the things she said last night was that I had been very judgemental towards her friend who had had a brief affair, and she felt that if she had done that I would have judge her the same.

*Ringggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*

Sorry buddy, I don't like the sound of this part of your post one bit!

I know that she was venting because i betryed her trust, if she was having an affair I know she would have told me out right.

Pleo

sorry to sound negative, but i doubt that she would tell you if she was having an affair.......

On the other hand, could I suggest you organise a babysitter for tonight and take your wife out as a surprise

dd

Pleo

My stbx was also just interested in keeping up with the other surrey-mums - the right car, the right clothes, the right rolex......'why can't we also go and stay at the Hilton in X, just like Y&Z do....etc etc'

All the while, I was working my butt off to keep her in the style she became accustomed to (read back through my posts), and then to top it all, she said that 'you didn't spend enough time with me and the children', and that it was I that was 'mean'.

I remember on a number of occasions during the years (married 13 years) saying to her that avarice didn't suit her......which was like water off a duck's back.....particularly one Christmas when she was 'dissapointed' that I didn't buy her a Mulberry handbag which cost £575 - Ch**st - how can one justify that amount for a christmas present - sorry not I!

She and the children never wanted for anything, but I realised the 'value' of things, which she just seemed not to?!

D is very hard, so think through it carefully - maybe why don't you show her the reality of how hard you work, what comes in etc, and that despite doing your best, she must understand that things aren't all rosy all of the time.....

sorry for carrying on - but your situation has uncanny parallel's to mine

take care

dd

I dont want to sound negative but I dont think she would want to. There is no one i know that could get there in time to be a baby sitter, which is a shame as the idea is good.

Would it have the same effect if I organised it for tomorrow evening and took her out?

I am guessing it would be better to take her some where different to where we would have gone when things were on an even keel?

Should i tell her this evening that we are going out tomorrow evening? or surprise her tomorrow afternoon?

I am starting my journey home in 15 mins, and i have taken on board the advice that i haev been given here.

She did mention this morning that she is getting her Cv done so she can get a job. I am against this as she excells in bringing up our children, our eldest is reading two years above the rest of her class, which is something she could not have achieved if it were not for the commitment of my wife.

If she does go to the coasts on saturday wirthout me shoudl i find a temporay accomadation? I want to show here i understand her feelings and woudl like to give her space but also dont want her to think i have thrown the towel in and i am walking out on her and the girls!?!?!?

She was meant to be going round a friedsn tonight for a party burt she has cancelled so we can talk, should i show reconition of this?

I seem to be getting the vibes that she is thinking that there is nothing that can be done for our relationship, I am willing to try councilling as it worked before.

This introduction thread has turned into an epic for this is am sorry less than 24 hours on the forum and turning it into war and peace!

how would i deal with it if she found this website and posted here and read me posts would that be good or bad?

Pleo