Hello I feel so stupid....

Good luck for tonight and I hope that you are able to work things out xxxxxx

Pleo

You both need to talk....and listen....and act

Do not involve her parents - they are not neutral.

Try not to dwell on what has happened but more what needs to happen for the 2 of you to have a future together.

Most important thing is let he know how you feel!

If you both can agree to reconcile make sure you sit down regularly and talk, and listen to how it is going.

Good luck

S

Thank you one and all!

I am really nervous, is that a sign of love or fear of change? I dont knwo but i have to say it.

I am going with a calm attitude and with my heart on my sleve!
The only way forward that i can see is is we remove all distractions from the house, i.e laptops and games consoles.

This will mean taht we can possible get back to where we were a loving couple who would share time and intimate moments with each other, rather than find comfort in imagenary worlds where there is no mortagae, job loss, bills and relationship issues.

I have taken this bad and have openly admitted i have a real confidence problem now, but every one here is great, and no matter how we as a couple come out of this on the other side I am sure i will still need you guys to talk to. I have only been posting here for a few days but you all seem like wish old friends.

God bless you all!

Pleo

Hi Pleo

Good luck for tonight - opening up to her and talking to her is a great thing to do.

Me and ex did stop talking to each other mostly because he found refuge on an online game where he met his new gf. There are alot of distractions around us. Sometimes it is just better to go back to where two people could enjoy each other's company and that was enough.

take care
claudette x

Short version;
I went home last night, wife answered the door and was cold towards me. I said can we talk, come in she said.

She was just having something to eat, I asked if she wanted a cup of tea she said no thanks, I went and made my self a cup of tea. What are you doing she said? “Making a cup of tea” “how dare you she said”, I said with all due respect this is still “Our” home/house, I am supporting you and the girls, If you want to be funny about it I bought the tea etc .

She seemed to understand reluctantly, she was still insistent about divorce, was quite upset when I told her I had spoken to the priest.

It took me an hour to get the bottle up, I asked her who was “John Doe” that wasn’t the name on the mobile text messages but it was equally ambiguous. She cried and said yes it was someone she had been talking to and yes they had made her feel good. They had spoken explicitly on the phone and via text messages.

I asked her why did she lie when I asked, she said she was meant to have gone to meet them on Sunday last, it would have been their first meeting, it also came out that they had not been happy in their relationship and had left their partner.

I explained the whole thing of how I was sorry for looking on the mobile, but she must understand how I felt. She had said she had spoken to her mother and she had told her not to tell me.

I said why did you think you could not tell me? I am your husband and friend, I love you with all my heart and soul. She said she did feel that way, I said well look at the facts, I came back to see you on Sunday, I came to see you on Monday, I have come her today if I did not love you I would have walked away and left it till the weekend to pick up the girls.

I mentioned the fact that it was my wish to come back home as it would give us opportunities to discuss things easier, she said she did not want me there, I said it was my understanding that it would not change her at this point in time but how would she feel if she was being cut off from what was daily contact with our children and being expected to pay bills and work to keep the house, but not have the benefits?

She couldn’t answer.

I have called Marriage Care a counselling service which I was given by the priest and she has agreed to come to this if only to help me.

I didn’t hold back and told her lots of the things I have put on here, I was very mindful of the advice I had been given on here about non molestation order so didn’t want to push the issue too far.

I did point her to here, as I have found this very helpful not so I can check up on her but so she can get some impartial advice as most of my peers have very strong mixed views because they are too close to the issue to be given unbiased advice or opinions.

I stepped forward and gave her a hug, gave her a kiss to the top of her head, told her I was sorry for not paying her attention, she gripped my arm. I left very very late and went back to parents.

She sent me a email this morning saying she hoped I got back ok (It is about an good hours drive). Also apologised for not being open and confirmed that she will be coming to counselling with me when I get the appointment.

I called her and said it was good too talk last night, and told her I love here and will always be there for her and the children no matter what, she said yes she knows that as that is something she always liked about me I was good in a crisis.

I need to do some work now.

Pleomax

Pleo

Well done!

Good luck with the counselling - I hope you can get an appointment quickly!

S

Well done Pleomax. I was thinking about you last night, and really hoping that you managed to go there and sort things through. It sounds good so far. Im sorry to hear that she has in fact got a 'friend', but I hope she sees through this and sees what a lovely man you are, and what she will lose.
Fingers crossed for you, always keep calm, shouting and accusing really doesnt help, so stay as calm as you possibly can, and Im sure it will work for you.
{{{{Hugs}}}}}