Hello I feel so stupid....

Well the weekend was fantastic, the girls and I had a good time together and I took them home at the agreed time on Sunday evening tired little bunnies.

Wife thanked me for keeping them safe. Had a cuppa and a very quick chat small talk mainly how they had behaved had they eaten well etc. I said ok I will get off now. I will call you to arrange a time to talk during the week.

I got home from work last night and my face was really painful, I have an infection in my nasal passage which caused my nose & face to swell and made me feel very lousy. I applied for some more jobs last night and sent the wife a quick message apologising for not calling her but I wasn’t very well.

Got a call this morning from her very terse/curt you can come round tonight we need to talk, don’t make a special effort just get here. I will have cooked some food so you can have a meal when you arrive.

No I have a real problem now dealing with this, one minute she is acting like she don’t care and hates me then the next she is dropping into conversations that she has cooked me a meal.

I love her very much and find it very hard to deal with this.

Should I minute what we discuss this evening and get both of us to sign it and date it and give her a copy of it? Or is that a bad idea?

The marriage councillor has yet to call me back with an appointment which is also causing me anxiety.

Religion mode on:
If she divorces me she will be turning her back on her beliefs and her church, I will not be able to continue my participation in the church which to me is a big part of my life and the children’s.

Should I mention collaborative law? i.e we have documents drawn up and separate but are still married, this we could both continue in out beliefs?

She said at weekend that she is enjoying being on her own and can not see herself with any one in the foreseeable future.

Also my contract is ending on Friday, and io have no further work to participate in. I am still at my parents house and would prefer to be at the marital home so I could spend some time with the children if I am not working but do not want to be spending the money travelling back and forth.

She did say at the weekend that a week is not enough for me to change my ways, she is also talking about helping me to set up a profile on a dating site, why would I want that? I haven’t brought that up, it is almost like she is trying to back me into a corner again so I have another breakdown!

Oh gosh my head is such a mess!

I reckon her head's in more of a mess than yours! It sounds, again, like she thinks she wants you out of her life (for whatever reason) and doesn't want to take responsibility for making the break.

I don't know whether she is just going through a bad phase and you can work through this, or whether she has already made up her mind - but she is being a coward in putting the responsibility on you to make a decision. Tell her that you don't want to give up on the marriage now and that you will not be joining a dating site. If she does want out, then make her be honest about that and say so, rather than trying to blame you.

I don't really know much about Catholicism, but can you talk to your priest or someone about how a divorce would impact on practising your faith if it wasn't your choice to call it a day? It would be terrible to lose that support at a time when you needed it most.

Hi Pleo,

Ive been reading all your messages and think I may have missed something along the way - why cant you go back and live in the faimly home?

I agree with Moodybirds comments - "I reckon her head's in more of a mess than yours". Does your wife want you and why all these mind games? I reckon your wife cant make up her mind what she wants and you are suffering along the way - that's not fair.

All the best.
Rainy

Ok just went round to talk, bath children spent some time with them prior to them going to bed.

She then gives me a guidelines for us to live in the same house and says sign that and you can come back.

It basically says that i will be in the house but no walking around naked, must pay her for doing washing she will cook for me if i arrange it before hand, must give her housekeeping which is to pay for her fuel, clothes, food etc.

The bit which i have had to read many times is the bit where she says she is having a relationship with someone else and this has not included sex so far but wants to continue however it pans out.

Damn my head is dead now.

Cake and eat it?!

Obviously being able to move back in would be great for you in some ways (ie seeing kids) but she's not actually doing you a favour here - from what I understand, she has no right to force you to move out anyway.

I'd tell her (politely) to stuff her agreement and say that you'll move back in, will respect her wish for personal space, will not expect any household chores to be done for you. But why on earth should you pay her housekeeping money??

More importantly, I would also say that if she is hellbent on continuing to see this other man then she needs to realise that she has to give something up - you and your marriage. I guess the problem there is your religious beliefs but if that were not a factor I'd say you should now start thinking of yourself and get out of a very emotionally destructive situation. I hate to say it without knowing both sides of things, but your wife really does sound an absolute heartless b*tch.

here here Moodybird - my sentiments entirely - well said!